IT'S WILL-HAYNE. IT'S FRENCH.
steel

Issues #34-36, which established Dr. Irons' new status quo, may well be a record for the number of times the word "breasts" appeared in a Comics Code-approved comic book. Boris and Natasha steal the armor, engage in a watermelon speed-spitting contest, spend the day in bed without having sex, and while Steel battles for his life in a sewer beneath the hospital, Natasha tries to convince him that she's pregnant. And nobody— nobody— at DC noticed.


Geez, I loved writing this book. I'm starting to think, of all the books and all the characters and all the years and all the miles under my belt, I'll miss these wacky bunch the most. For all the wonderful notices we've gotten for BLACK PANTHER, I actually think STEEL was better, funnier, and more wryly cynical. And nobody noticed. I mean nobody read this book, not even the bosses at DC, which is, I suppose, how we got away with this, our mean-spirited de-construction of the Superman mythos. This is one of those bargain deals you've been waiting for. If you can find STEEL #34-45 or so, they'll probably be in a quarter bin or, worse, the store will pay you to take them off their hands. It'll be well worth the buck and a half, tops, you'll have to pay for the entire run. We had a blast working on this book. It is one of the few projects I'd go back to in a heartbeat, if only DC had a way to sell the character and a premise that frankly sailed over the heads of most everybody at DC.

This was something of a Life Of Brian-style turn on the Superman mythos, about John Irons, an Avery Brooks-ish stoic everyman, relocating to Jersey City and finding himself the only sane man in town. In stark contrast to the supportive, inviting, friendly Metropolis the Man Of Steel operates in, Irons is trapped in a world he never made, surrounded by nuts of every imaginable stripe in a town that is at once ambivalent and hostile towards his heroic efforts.

The series took place in a dysfunctional Metropolis (Jersey City), with a dysfunctional Lois Lane— Amanda Quick, who discovers the Spike Lee-esque doctor who's been pursuing her romantically is actually Skorpio, an evilbadguy in the employ of Dr. Villain, and hesitates at first to tell Steel. This evolves into a truly sick love triangle between the three, and Amanda soon finds herself trapped, unable to tell Steel for fear of losing him. Quick goes to prison in the series finale.

There was also a dysfunctional Jimmy Olsen: Steel's niece, Natasha and her bohemian guy-pal Boris (who wins Natasha's affection by guilessly bringing her a watermelon while she is grounded at home). Boris and Natasha's hijinks were  both the highlight (for the readers) and the nightmare (for the writer) of every issue.

 

"Stat page Dr. Irons to Trauma One, WITH his hammer, please."
DR. VILLAIN, under attack in the ER

And, of course, there was a dysfunctional Lex Luthor: the enigmatic and eccentric Arthur Villain, who tirelessly corrected the pronunciation of his last name, "It's WILL-hayne.  It's French."  Villain, chief of staff at Garden State Medical Center,  would go to any lengths to raise money for his cash-strapped hospital. Villain, who kept a hired assassin on staff (ER trauma chief Sam Ellis, a.k.a. Skorpio), has vaporized crack fiends, shut down a trauma procedure (because it was cheaper to settle a lawsuit than pay two star surgeons to save the uninsured patient), had himself kidnapped, conducted genetic experimentation in the sub-basement, and a host of other cheerily eccentric psuedo villainous activities. Dr. Villain was a joy to write, and I suppose I miss him the most.

 

"Gotta tell ya, Dr. Steel— -this kinda stuff never happened here before you came along. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Gives me an excuse to get my hair done.

"So— our operating theory is Captain Goldfish had the ultimate battle with MegaDroid during which his Tektanium Ring lost its charge— leaving him defenseless before the evil MegaDroid's Z-ray.

"That, or it was a keg party that got out of control."


Police Lieutenant MARGOT, to Steel,
responding to a city bus stuck in the 12th floor of an office building

 

Steel #34 by Denys Cowan and Tom Palmer

 

A wry, joyful evisceration of the Superman legend, STEEL was some of the best writing of my career and, for the most part, it was also the most fun I've had. There were lots and lots of powerful moments, commentary on the super-hero genre, family life, love, sex, race, etc. And, except for a very small and very loyal fan following, nobody noticed. STEEL was soundly and thunderously ignored by the greater comic book audience. You can now buy my entire run (#34 to #52) for a few bucks.

Some favorite moments were issues #34-36, which established Dr. Irons' new status quo and may well be a record for the number of times the word "breasts" appeared in a Comics Code-approved comic book. Boris and Natasha steal the armor, engage in a watermelon speed-spitting contest, spend the day in bed without having sex, and while Steel battles for his life in a sewer beneath the hospital, Natasha tries to convince him that she's pregnant. If you can find these issues, I promise you a warped treat.

 

"GSMC is an oasis— Phaeacia on Poseidon's sea.
The Jiffy Lube of life's autobahn."


DR. VILLAIN,
on his beloved hospital
Garden State Medical Center

 

Steel #52 by Denys Cowan and Tom PalmerAmanda wins John's heart in issue #37, where she tries to get John to loosen up by dancing in a city fountain (John doesn't join her). Once John abandons her to go fight some menace, Skorpio (a Spike Lee-esque super villain who is a surgeon in his secret identity) makes his move, and that love triangle begins.

 #38, I think, guest-starred THE QUESTION and sent Steel to Casablanca in search of Dr. Villain, who had been kidnapped from the hospital (turned out Villain had himself kidnapped as part of a fund-raising effort for the hospital).  #39 introduced CRASH, an enigmatic villain who actually turned out to be Steel's long-lost brother.

#42, linked here as "Some People,", was probably the most disturbing issue of the run. John and Amanda get lost somewhere near Jersey City and end up being rousted by police.

#45, I believe, where John Irons (Steel's alter ego) destroys his own kitchen in an angry rage after having been mistreated by the cops, only to have one of the cops return his flight boots in tiny pieces and ask for Irons' autograph for his kid (Irons gives him the autograph). Superboy tries to woo Natasha, to her great amusement, in issue #46, and sets up the complex Christmas story (#47?) where Irons accidentally blurts out his love for Amanda, and the scene just sings for bunches of reasons that would take too long to explain here.


Thank you, Denys Cowan, Frank Pittarese, and Tom Palmer.


Christopher J. Priest
September, 2000

 

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